this morning i woke up to screaming. actually, i think it was yelling. whatever it was, it was damn loud and really scary. some dude was banging on my neighbors door, calling them a f&$*^# b^%&# and telling them to quit banging on his ceiling. my guess is that he's the same douche that cranks shitty 80s music at 7am every weekend, but i have no actual proof.
all of the other 5 apts in my section of the building have kids living there. this means that he was probably screaming a)in front of his kids (or loud enough for them to hear); and b)at an apt that had 2-3 small children inside.
as a 115lb white girl, i don't have a ton of pull in a situation like this, so i thought it best to leave it to the authorities. the police here are pretty shoddy in their response, so i opted to call our on-site management company. at the very least i figured they'd send over one of the hulking dudes that has let me in when i've forgotten my keys. they all look like former linemen - the least they could do is tell some enraged idiot to shove it.
so i call the "emergency" number we have for weekends:
"please state your name and apt #"
(i provide it)
"i'm not calling because of maintenance. some neighbor is calling another a 'f$&*^#$ b&$*$' and banging on their door. it's scary."
"ma'am, can you please repeat your phone number?
(i provide it, AGAIN)
"ma'am, am i correct to understand that this man is cursing?"
"yes, he's banging and yelling FUCKING BITCH"
"oh, alright ma'am. so he's cursing."
"yup. and banging. it's woken up the entire building and i assume everyone is as scared to come out of their apt as i am"
"ok ma'am. can you hold please?"
"yes, but can you just send someone over here?"
"hold please."
(i wait for 3-5 min)
"ma'am, i think it's best for you to just call the police.
thanks sir. like i didn't think of that before. hopefully i won't be knifed in my sleep in the next 30 days before i can move out.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Saturday, August 1, 2009
pancakes and fish hooks
there are days in ny that are indisputable reminders that this is where i'm meant to be (at this stage in my life). trying to plan these days are like trying to plan new year's. high expectations and hype that lead to utter disappointment - and usually a terrible hangover. today was a spectacular day, completely without a plan. it was a string of random events - mostly mundane and obscure - but collectively they made me so happy that i live in a place where these days can happen on a fairly regular basis without it being strange. i'll try to explain it as best i can but on paper (screen), though i can guarantee it will seem ridiculous and boring.
the day started with banana pancakes. it should be stated that i really don't like pancakes in general, but banana ones are pretty awesome. bananas are the only fruit i'll tolerate in anything beyond pie. meg was cooking - which is important to this story only in that i completely forgot she moved this week. here i am goofing around at my apt cleaning up and doing random chores for a few hours, when i really should have been moving my ass to harlem. luckily i realized this just as i left my building, but nonetheless going to brunch in the wrong borough is usually not the makings of a great day.
despite any geographical snafus, the weather was amazing and i really didn't care about the extra trek. plus there were fresh blueberries waiting for me when i got there, making up for my lack of planning. after pancakes the decision was made to go to central park. in the 3 years i've lived here i can count the number of times i've been to the park on one hand. one was a borderline-scary first date where i feared i would be chopped up into little bits, scattered on the great lawn. this has since left me a wee bit fearful of the park in general. today though, i saw the place with fresh eyes. maybe it was because we entered at the northern-most point. maybe it was because it was daylight and i had no suspicions that i may end up as the season opener of 48-hours. whatever the reason i was damn happy to be there.
when we got to the park, we saw a sign for canoeing. not just canoeing, but FREE canoeing. we jumped in line next to a bunch of little kids, soon finding ourselves in the middle of the pond in the nexus of the park. surrounded by greenery and gorgeous architecture, we barely noticed the surplus of algae building up on the corners of our boat. i've left out the racial profiling the park rangers did on us: assuming we had canoed before because we were white. but that's a minute complaint compared to the tiny turtle that hung out next to the boat and the little kid who stopped to tell us about the GIANT snapping turtle that he caught with his lure. (he was probably 5 with a lisp and an insanely loud voice. one of those boys who is great to talk to for a few minutes, but you'd want to strangle if you had to babysit.)
thankfully we made our way back to the mainland without maiming any turtles (or children) and headed to the bathroom. post-loo, we ran into some little kids fishing. we come to find out that fishing is FREE too. turns out the park will give you lures and corn (?) as bait for an afternoon of "catch and release" fishing. early-on, we realized the allure of fishing (HAHA - get it?) was not so grand. neither of us wanted to touch any fish we caught, and the danger of a turtle attacking our lures just added to our stress. those suckers are MEAN. so here we are camped out on the steps of the pond, two 25 year-olds too afraid to even fathom having to grasp a slimy, googly-eyed fish. BLAH. the object of the game then became to avoid catching ANYTHING. for the fish that wasn't too hard. counter to the "expert" advice of the parks department, fish don't actually like corn. you could hit the fish over the head with a kernel and they wouldn't bite. (i tried a few times.) the turtles though, those suckers have corn on the brain. the second meg put her lure in the water, a giant turtle surfaced and tried to attack her bait. after a good 15 minutes of anti-fish fishing, we thought it best to leave it to the 7 year olds and their parents. we weren't fooling anyone that we were being hipster "ironic" by taking up elderly activities. we turned in our lures and headed to the santeria shop.
my interest in the practice mainly lies in the sublime song. the song was the ringtone on my first cell and will always hold a special place in my heart, somewhere between "the general" by dispatch and "crazy game of poker" by O.A.R. these songs symbolize my first taste of independence, doused in smirnoff and natty light. in terms of a spiritual following though, i'm a total gringa and don't know the slightest thing about santeria. but why not? with no church and no true spiritual beliefs, the least i can do is check out what else is out there. plus candles and nice smelling things are always a plus. so we moseyed on down to the santeria store in spa-ha (ahem - spanish harlem) from the park. on the way, we passed a lively street fair that turned out to be a giant ruse to get people HIV tested.
the folks at the fair were so nice that we couldn't say no to the test. fishing, santeria, pancakes - why not round out the day with a sexual health exam? all it involved was a cheek swab and a list of somewhat vague questions, "have you been to the doctor in the past 2 years? if so, how many times?" we both had been tested before - i think doctors dole those out with almost the same frequency as pregnancy tests for the common cold at the university health center - so it was more of a courtesy to the nice folks running the place rather than any sort of fact-finding mission.
after our mobile health test, we moved on to the santeria store. once inside, we learned about natural african sponges and bath incense meant for "money growth". these things will probably serve me well somewhere down the line, but true hunger took the place of spiritual hunger, and we made a beeline for a nearby mexican restaurant. post tacos, we parted ways, and i headed to 500 days of summer (a movie). i won't ruin it for any other fans of the indie faux-love story, but all i have to say is that there's no way better way to round out a solid afternoon with a solid movie with a killer soundtrack.
so here i am sitting in my apt, a little burnt, a little sweaty, but more than a little content. i know i'm in danger of a breach of confidentiality with this statement, but the only thing negative about my day was my HIV test.
the day started with banana pancakes. it should be stated that i really don't like pancakes in general, but banana ones are pretty awesome. bananas are the only fruit i'll tolerate in anything beyond pie. meg was cooking - which is important to this story only in that i completely forgot she moved this week. here i am goofing around at my apt cleaning up and doing random chores for a few hours, when i really should have been moving my ass to harlem. luckily i realized this just as i left my building, but nonetheless going to brunch in the wrong borough is usually not the makings of a great day.
despite any geographical snafus, the weather was amazing and i really didn't care about the extra trek. plus there were fresh blueberries waiting for me when i got there, making up for my lack of planning. after pancakes the decision was made to go to central park. in the 3 years i've lived here i can count the number of times i've been to the park on one hand. one was a borderline-scary first date where i feared i would be chopped up into little bits, scattered on the great lawn. this has since left me a wee bit fearful of the park in general. today though, i saw the place with fresh eyes. maybe it was because we entered at the northern-most point. maybe it was because it was daylight and i had no suspicions that i may end up as the season opener of 48-hours. whatever the reason i was damn happy to be there.
when we got to the park, we saw a sign for canoeing. not just canoeing, but FREE canoeing. we jumped in line next to a bunch of little kids, soon finding ourselves in the middle of the pond in the nexus of the park. surrounded by greenery and gorgeous architecture, we barely noticed the surplus of algae building up on the corners of our boat. i've left out the racial profiling the park rangers did on us: assuming we had canoed before because we were white. but that's a minute complaint compared to the tiny turtle that hung out next to the boat and the little kid who stopped to tell us about the GIANT snapping turtle that he caught with his lure. (he was probably 5 with a lisp and an insanely loud voice. one of those boys who is great to talk to for a few minutes, but you'd want to strangle if you had to babysit.)
thankfully we made our way back to the mainland without maiming any turtles (or children) and headed to the bathroom. post-loo, we ran into some little kids fishing. we come to find out that fishing is FREE too. turns out the park will give you lures and corn (?) as bait for an afternoon of "catch and release" fishing. early-on, we realized the allure of fishing (HAHA - get it?) was not so grand. neither of us wanted to touch any fish we caught, and the danger of a turtle attacking our lures just added to our stress. those suckers are MEAN. so here we are camped out on the steps of the pond, two 25 year-olds too afraid to even fathom having to grasp a slimy, googly-eyed fish. BLAH. the object of the game then became to avoid catching ANYTHING. for the fish that wasn't too hard. counter to the "expert" advice of the parks department, fish don't actually like corn. you could hit the fish over the head with a kernel and they wouldn't bite. (i tried a few times.) the turtles though, those suckers have corn on the brain. the second meg put her lure in the water, a giant turtle surfaced and tried to attack her bait. after a good 15 minutes of anti-fish fishing, we thought it best to leave it to the 7 year olds and their parents. we weren't fooling anyone that we were being hipster "ironic" by taking up elderly activities. we turned in our lures and headed to the santeria shop.
my interest in the practice mainly lies in the sublime song. the song was the ringtone on my first cell and will always hold a special place in my heart, somewhere between "the general" by dispatch and "crazy game of poker" by O.A.R. these songs symbolize my first taste of independence, doused in smirnoff and natty light. in terms of a spiritual following though, i'm a total gringa and don't know the slightest thing about santeria. but why not? with no church and no true spiritual beliefs, the least i can do is check out what else is out there. plus candles and nice smelling things are always a plus. so we moseyed on down to the santeria store in spa-ha (ahem - spanish harlem) from the park. on the way, we passed a lively street fair that turned out to be a giant ruse to get people HIV tested.
the folks at the fair were so nice that we couldn't say no to the test. fishing, santeria, pancakes - why not round out the day with a sexual health exam? all it involved was a cheek swab and a list of somewhat vague questions, "have you been to the doctor in the past 2 years? if so, how many times?" we both had been tested before - i think doctors dole those out with almost the same frequency as pregnancy tests for the common cold at the university health center - so it was more of a courtesy to the nice folks running the place rather than any sort of fact-finding mission.
after our mobile health test, we moved on to the santeria store. once inside, we learned about natural african sponges and bath incense meant for "money growth". these things will probably serve me well somewhere down the line, but true hunger took the place of spiritual hunger, and we made a beeline for a nearby mexican restaurant. post tacos, we parted ways, and i headed to 500 days of summer (a movie). i won't ruin it for any other fans of the indie faux-love story, but all i have to say is that there's no way better way to round out a solid afternoon with a solid movie with a killer soundtrack.
so here i am sitting in my apt, a little burnt, a little sweaty, but more than a little content. i know i'm in danger of a breach of confidentiality with this statement, but the only thing negative about my day was my HIV test.
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