Committed

Am I a committed viewer or should I be committed? I've watched all 3 seasons of Lost in the past 3 1/2 weeks. That mean's i've averaged about a season a week, each of which had at least 20 hour-long episodes. (The season finales were all 2 hours long.) Granted, the writer's strike has left a wasteland of viewing options and i'm over reality TV, but I think I'm a little bit ridiculous. If only I had that dedication with working out or getting 8 hours of sleep a night. I'd probably add a few years onto my life.

No apartment (part 2)

My living situation in Williamsburg was somewhat idyllic for the first 10 months. As i've described in previous blogs, S, J, and I all got along well. S wasn't quite as social as J or myself - she spent most weekends at home in her room with her boyfriend - but I'm a homebody by nature so I understood the appeal. As long as she wasn't disrupting my life in any way, she was welcome to do whatever she pleased. Even if it was weird. And involved her boyfriend hanging out at our apartment all the time in a bathrobe.

Really the only thing that bothered me about our living situation were the notes. Instead of telling us anything, S would tape up "friendly" reminders in various spots around the apartment. In the bathroom there was the "please clean out the drain after showering" and the "please hang up the mat to dry" notes, in the kitchen and living room windows there were instructions on how to lock the windows.

The drain fight is something that would always give me a good laugh. I had wavy sandy blonde hair at the time, S had long straight (dyed) black hair, while J had buzzed her head (leaving her bangs). I'll admit that probably once a month I would leave hair in the drain. I'd remember about it within 15 minutes of my shower, but by the time I went in there to take care of it, S would have already cleaned it out. (And then proceed to passive aggressively huff and puff in my direction for the next hour.) Now most people in their mid-twenties would just throw the hair away or flush it. Not S. She wanted to "teach" me a lesson. Any hair she found, she then put on display on the top of the tub, which I would promptly get rid of as soon as I saw it. Our guests didn't need to see that. The funny thing about the hair was that 99% of the time drain refuse on top of the tub it was definitely not mine. Or J's (she didn't have any hair to lose). It was black and certainly not a follicle of mine. But i wasn't about to start a war about hair. So I just took care of it and kept my mouth shut. Until S decided to kick me out of the apartment.

As I recounted in a previous entry, S decided that passive aggressive behavior should not be limited to notes - it should also be used to give roommates the boot. She took the time to independently ask me and J what our plans were for the next year, supported me in my decision to purchase a big kid bed ("because you're not moving any time soon"), and told me that she was planning on moving in with her boyfriend. What she neglected to tell me in the whole boyfriend living scenario was that I would have to be sacrificed to the craigslist gods.

Once I had suggested a friend to take her room, S realized that it was necessary to call a roommate meeting. J and I had figured out her game and it was time for everyone to sit down and talk. In the two weeks that went into finding a time for the three of us to meet, J and I had deduced the following: 1) S was kicking one of us out so that her boyfriend could move in; 2) My room was the obvious choice for her as her boyfriend needed the smaller room to store his stuff; 3) Neither of us wanted to live alone with S and her boyfriend.

The meeting began on friendly terms, but the niceness didn't last long. S started by saying that she and F had decided that their relationship had progressed to a level where they needed to live together. (This was shocking - especially since F stayed at our place every night, had a key, and was normally seen in our apartment wearing a bathrobe.) That being said, her and F had decided that he was going to move into our apartment. And that she was very sorry, but one of us needed to leave. And that there was no rush, but it needed to be done by August (it was June 8).

From there, the conversation went from awkward to ugly. J and I pointed out that we all had agreed to live at the apartment for at least a year. We were holding up our end of the bargain by being good roommates, but she couldn't just decide that one of us needed to leave. If her and F wanted to live together, they should find a nice little apartment SOMEWHERE ELSE instead of displacing someone. Also, neither of us had agreed to living with a couple, and to do that means that the single person is always going to be the odd person out in any discussion. Finally, we pointed out that it wasn't her apartment to kick us out, even if she had been rearranging the furniture and leaving us notes everywhere. In the end, I just didn't have it in me to fight. I said I'd move out ASAP. S had created a hostile living situation and I didn't want to be a part of it. I'd be out definitely by August, but maybe even July.

This entire dialogue was also probably transcribed by F, who was "hanging out" in S' room during this whole conversation. I really wish he would have transcribed it. Then we would have evidence that I said July. And that S said this was fine. As it happened, I found an apartment no less than two weeks later. No one was home when I got back to my place. There was no way of knowing when we all would be in the same room - especially since we all had been avoiding each other. I wrote up a nice email to both J and S, letting them know that I had found a place and my stuff would be all out of the apartment by July 1. I'd take care of canceling the cable, leave my share for the utilities in June, and just needed to know the protocol on how we would need to proceed on getting my security deposit back. It KILLED me to write that letter. I wanted to insert swear words and mean comments after every sentence, but I didn't. I probably should have, because S' response opened with the following:

"It's great that you found a place, but as per New York City housing laws/common courtesy, you must give 30 days notice before moving out of an apartment in order to receive your security deposit."

That was one of the few moments in my life where I came close to punching a wall (a la Andy in 'The Office' when Jim takes his phone and hides it in the ceiling). I decided that it was best to not write anything, just wait until I got home and talked to her about it in person. Most of this was out of maturity, but I really think part of it was that I didn't trust myself to send an email back that wouldn't be flagged by our IT department at work for the number of obscenities. Luckily, S wrote me again later that day saying that this was probably a conversation that we should have in person. Given the responses I had dreamed up and the suggestions my coworkers were providing me with, this was really a good idea.

That night, S and I had our little chat. She opened the conversation by saying she couldn't believe I could do this to her. F was apparently still on his lease through July and she didn't understand how I didn't think about this when setting up a new place to live. I countered with pointing out that I had told her July was a possibility, and that I needed to do whatever was necessary to get out of the apartment and be in a good place before she kicked my butt to the curb. It wasn't my concern that F didn't have his stuff ready - they should have thought of that before they kicked people out - plus all I wanted was my security deposit back. I was not willing to pay for his stuff to occupy my room for a month. S told me I was being unreasonable and that I couldn't imagine how it felt to get an email saying that someone was moving out without giving proper notice. I was being inconsiderate to others.

I had held myself together well and was polite until that second. The rest of our conversation went somewhat like this:

Me: "Yeah, I have a good idea how that feels. It feels a ^%&^% lot nicer than when your roommate tells you she's kicking you out so that her boyfriend's band equipment can have a room."
S: "You know F has to be by the L train so he can go to band practice"
Me: "F is a big boy. He could transfer trains if he had to like the rest of us do for our jobs. It's not even about the money anymore. You can have it. Fine. I'll pay for F to keep his guitar in my room for a month. All I'm saying is that if anyone is being inconsiderate in this situation it's you. All I'd like at this point is for you to acknowledge that you are the one being discourteous. I cannot even FATHOM how I ended up the bad guy in this. That i'm the one not upholding COMMON COURTESY. I hope you and F have a wonderful, boring life together in your little apartment."

That marked the one and only time in my life where i've actually told someone off. I packed up my things the following week and left that place as soon as I could move into my new one. The day I moved out, F was already moving his stuff in. He didn't even wait until I was gone.

The moral of this story is to stick with amateur burlesque show winners/tap dancing kazoo players like J. Those are the roommates that remain friends for life. (Making sure that you're on a lease is a close second in the morals department.) The S' of the world end up sharing a tiny apartment with their boyfriends and wearing bathrobes all day. J told me after I moved out that I missed an unfortunate incident where F accidentally flashed her due to a wardrobe malfunction. I'm glad I got out when I did.

i've got a knock-knock joke for you

will ferrell's "landlord" skit on youtube may exploit children, but it is pretty funny. with each day that passes, i wish more and more that pearl was my landlord. she may be 2 years old, but i often think that she has more sense than my landlord. since i moved in last summer, we've been lobbying for a new door for our apartment building. the old door was a push lock, so it was often left open by forgetful tenants or visitors.

one night, my roommate woke-up at 3am to sounds right outside our door. at first she assumed that it was a couple having a little fun before they headed into their own apartment. turns out it was a homeless man who passed out right in front of the door to our apartment - not the building door - our apartment door. it happened that she was the only one home, so she called on the cops, the landlord, and a giant butcher knife. all that divided her from the homeless guy was our thin door that we were also waiting on a replacement for.

somehow after that incident in october, he waited until two weeks ago to get our door fixed. (this was despite my roommates talking to him routinely about this.) the door replacement started mid-morning on a saturday. i knew we were in trouble when the carpenters left the door wide open that night since the job wasn't quite finished. as a solution, they turned off the lights in the foyer. (cause burglars are scared of the dark?) i should also note that i use the term 'carpenters' loosely. i haven't quite figured out if these guys are friends of my landlord, or just dudes who owe him favors. whatever the case, it's clear that the people that he 'hires' for handiwork should not be called professionals.

when the door was ready 2 days later the landlord dropped off keys for those who were home. instead of calling, emailing, texting, writing, he just stopped by your apartment and left them with whoever was home. this meant that 1/2 of our building was locked out when they came home for work in the afternoon. i was lucky enough to have a roommate who works from home so i didn't have any trouble, but the poor girl spent most of her workday letting people in and out of the building. (the new door wasn't hooked up to the buzzer system, so she had to get up and let everyone in.) it's quite obvious that the new door doesn't quite fit the framing, but it was an improvement from the old clubhouse door that we had prior.

i made it home from work tonight around 8:30. i had stopped at the store on my way home and picked up a few things to make for dinner. i sort of had to pee when i left work, but figured i could hold it until i made it home. the commute's close to 50 minutes, but once i had my jacket on i didn't want to have to take the time to do my business in manhattan. so here i am with a full bladder and my groceries. it's freezing and nearing 9pm. i put down my groceries in front of our building door to fish my keys out of my messenger bag. i try to turn my key in the door and nothing happens. it moves a little bit, but won't budge more than a cm each way. i jiggle the key around, try it three different ways, and count to three before moving on to a string of four-letter words. i try buzzing every one of the 6 apartments in our building but no one answers. i continue alternating buzzing doors with jiggling the lock for the next 15 minutes or so. finally i start calling my roommates. i assume no one is home (i've rang the bell now about 5 times), but don't see the harm in giving it a try. turns out one of my roommates was napping. she comes out and tries to let me in, but now the door won't budge from the inside. she's now stuck INSIDE the apartment. after playing with the lock for another few minutes, she tries to find another person in the building who may be able to help us out. no one's around, so she gives up and tries once again to let me in. (i REALLY have to pee now.) finally something in the door moves and she's able to open it. we call the landlord, who calls a locksmith, who claims he fixed the door. i haven't left my apartment since then and i fear the worst when i try to leave tomorrow morning. i've never tried to scale my backyard fence but tomorrow may be the day to do it. if i don't make it into work tomorrow, you'll know why.

what almost kills you makes you older

i used to be a good swimmer. if you would have asked me this morning if i was a good swimmer, the answer would still have been "yes". i swam competitively for 12 years, and to this day still hold a record or two around the city i grew up in . i don't announce this to brag about my so-called glory days, but to give a reference of what used to be. no longer, my friend, no longer. today i embarked on my first journey to the pool for laps since 2005. I decided to start out "easy" - 1000 yards. I used to swim about 10,000 yards a day - 1000 seemed like a decent number. 40 lengths. Nothing extravagant, but something to get the blood flowing. I started out strong. I felt as in shape as i did in high school. At least for the first 3 lengths. I wear two bracelets on my right hand from a friend visiting Africa. By lap 4 it felt like my bracelets had been replaced by that friend hanging onto my wrist. My arms dragged as I tried to slice through the water, I felt every kick in my ankles, knees, and pores of my skin. I survived those 40 lengths, but just barely. As a kid, i remember laughing at the adults as they tried to keep up with our practices while they were in the lap lanes. Tonight I joined the ranks of the old people - I even had trouble getting out of the pool.

clap for me!

I try to avoid using the word "hate" but it fits into my vocabulary more than i would like. sometimes i use it for emphasis in the same way that i sometimes use f*** as an adjective. it creeps in there, i don't mean it literally, but alas my grammar is imperfect and i say that i hate something when i don't actually do, just dislike it. f*** is the same way. it gives a sentence a nice little UMPH that you just can't get by using "darn" or "stupid".

there are those few things in the world that i actually hate. downright despise them. and one of those things is people clapping at movies. i CANNOT stand it. i can't explain why, but i actually sometimes shudder when it happens.

here i am enjoying the final moments of solitude in the movie theater. my popcorn or milk duds (perhaps even both) are gone, i've successfully escaped the real world for a few hours. then it begins. the overemotional lady in the third row (center) starts it. pretty soon the whole theater is in on it. are they clapping for the projectionist? maybe the guys who come in after the movie to clean up the popcorn? no. my theory is that the movie clappers are clapping for themselves. "Yay for me - I watched a movie!!" It has to stop. clap after a symphony. clap for the girl who gets a perfect score in the 10m diving competition. but please do not clap for Tom Cruise after he's played himself (but named Ethan or Jerry or Charlie or even Maverick) for the past 2 hours. he's not there to hear it.

Nerd Alert

My friend and I had a bet last year regarding Dick Cheney. We won (though in our minds truly lost) if we could find one person who legitimately liked him. She maintained that he is the most unlikable guy on the planet. I agreed with her. Until NYTimes had an expose on a little girl (i think she was 6) from wyoming who was OBSESSED. She compared his voting records and collected his campaign buttons. She followed him like she would her favorite character from sesame street. Now that the Bush administration's reign is coming to a close, I hoped that those dark days were behind us. Cheney could go back to his bunker, Bush to Connecticut (he's from New Haven, not Crawford folks). And then came the primaries. And the Republican nominees.

I have full faith that the Dems can take back the White House, but I really can't figure out where the Republicans are going with this election. No matter where it goes, I'm glued to my TV right now. It's not for the NFL Playoffs or the latest episode of Project Runway. It's for the New Hampshire caucus. I can't get enough. It's sort of sick if you think about it. It's not like in football where a play that determines the winner. I'm literally at the edge of my seat while a computer tallies up votes that were filled out hours ago, for a final vote that will take place 10 months from now. But I don't care. I'm loving every second of it.

Except for Huckabee. Why do people like this guy? It fascinates me. Tonight I told my coworkers that I'm giving notice that I'll leave the country if he wins. I just don't understand how so many in this country can get behind him. The dude from Law and Order, fine. Maybe you caught a marathon on TNT or you saw him in "Hunt for Red October". There's a face recognition there. BUT HUCKABEE?? I went to his website in hope to get a little bit of insight. I'd like to think that most of the citizens in this country have a brain in their head. That they think things through. They may not agree with me all the time, but at least there's a logical stream of thought in their ideas. But then there's Huckabee...

He has all the benchmarks the conservatives that have taken the forefront in the new breeds of Republican superstars. Huckabee is a faithful churchgoer, pro-life, and he's all about "winning" in Iraq. These are all points that I happen to disagree on, but that's par for the course. HOWEVER, his major selling point seems to be his ignorance (i believe "everyman" is the term used to describe him) and lacks the trail of controversy that follows Romney and Giuliani (flip-floppers) or McCain (ALL war-talk, all the time). For Huckabee, i'm tempted to hone in on my favorite liberal rants - stem cells, abortion, terrorism - but I've decided to take it another, less-traveled direction: immigration. His views on this aren't unlike his conservative counterparts, but while I'm on my soapbox I'll get down to the nitty gritty details...

Huckabee has what he calls "The Secure America Plan - A 9-Point Strategy for Immigration Enforcement and Border Security" [Sidebar - all of this info is from his website, except the brackets of course].

1. Build the Fence - a literal fence and camera system around our borders [THIS WILL ALSO BECOME BRAVO'S NEWEST REALITY SERIES, PROJECT INFILTRATION]
2. Increase Border Patrol - more border agents [SO THAT MORE PEOPLE CAN PREVENT 17 YEAR OLDS FROM SNEAKING INTO CANADA TO BUY BEER]
3. Prevent Amnesty - "Policies that promote or tolerate amnesty will be rejected" [DO NOT SHOW WEAKNESS]
4. Enforce the Law on Employers - penalties and fines for employers of illegal immigrants, prevent IRT/SSA from accepting fraudulent SSN's
5. Establish an Economic Border - "Move toward passage of the FairTax. The FairTax provides an extra layer of security by creating an economic disincentive to immigrate to the U.S. illegally." [I'M WILLING TO BET THAT THIS ECONOMIC BORDER WILL ALSO INCLUDE GUNS]
6. Empower Local Authorities - promote cooperation on law enforcement and encourage local police training to turn in illegal immigrants [THIS SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING THE MOB WOULD UNDERTAKE.]
7. Ensure Document Security - no more "matricula consular" cards and do not allow exemptions for the US-VISIT program. [THEY SHOULD HAVE TIME WARNER SET THIS UP - THEY RUN THE TIGHTEST SHIP I'VE EVER SEEN WHEN IT COMES TO BILLING]
8. Discourage Dual Citizenship - Inform foreign governments when their former citizens become naturalized U.S. citizens. [WILL THIS ALSO COUNT AGAINST PEOPLE IN HAWAII AND ALASKA?]
9. Modernize the Process of Legal Immigration - "increase visas for highly skilled and highly-educated applicants" and "improve immigration process so that those patiently and responsibly seeking to come here legally will not have to wait decades to share in the American dream." [YES, KIDS. THE AMERICAN DREAM ONLY HOLDS TRUE FOR SKILLED AND HIGHLY-EDUCATED APPLICANTS.]

So basically, once the 9 points are enacted, we can look forward to martial law and isolation and landscaping with barbed wire fences. This will probably go over well, especially since we'll have no civil liberties. Have no fear though, the sanctity of marriage will be saved.

In this day and age, it's not surprising that a stream of emotions can lose a candidacy (Howard Dean) and supporting role on a TV show can put you in the mix (Fred "I Think I'll Run for President" Thompson). But how can an "everyman" like Huckabee be revered? I understand the need to want a guy who is in touch with the people. Bill Clinton is a self-proclaimed hick (he said it when I saw him speak in college), but he's also an incredibly intelligent and articulate man who just happens to have started his political career in the exact same position as Huckabee. This standard of intelligence cannot be held to the man who has said that people with AIDS should be "quarantined". I'd like to think we want someone running our country that is more intelligent than the average person. They don't necessarily have to be richer, but smarter would be nice.

crappy music

i'm a big believer in spreading knowledge. if there's a band i like, i tell everyone about it. same goes for movies and random current events/entertainment news. half the time i'm sure it comes off as me being a know it all, but i just like to keep everyone in the loop. one thing i do not appreciate though, is loud music. it's one thing to tell your friends about your new favorite cd, it's an entirely different issue to blast it at them and make them listen.

my neighbor downstairs has been blasting music ALL afternoon. it's so loud that it makes my room shake. it'd be one thing if it were good music, but for the most part it's terrible. there are a few stevie wonder songs (good stuff), but it's mainly lionel ritchie's "hello" and what i think is captain and tenille. ("hello" is the song that had the music video with the blind sculptress who managed to make a bust of lionel of lifesize proportions. his geri curl in the bust was even more defined than in the video.)

this is a plea for all those who blast music from their open car windows and shooting through their apartment walls. i know you don't need the music that loud. if you want me to pick up the cd, just suggest it to me. i refuse to admire anyone's musical taste when it's preventing me from thinking clearly.

be better

last year for new year's, my friends and i submitted our resolutions into a notebook at 2:30am. while they weren't the most articulate or well-thought out, at the very least our resolutions were honest. this year, i have the following resolutions:

1. get at least 7 hours of sleep per night
2. cook a meal at least once a week
3. drink no more than three drinks on a "school" night
4. work out three times a week
5. avoid using the word, 'like' in any other context than 'such as'
6. put a portion of each paycheck into my savings account

we'll see how i do. 2008's goals a much more quantitative than 2007, so at least i can mark my progress.