i graduated college no more than 3 years ago. actually almost exactly 3 years ago. at the time, i had a skill for being ridiculously patient. it was certainly a learned skill - as a child i was bursting full of energy and unable to keep my mouth shut - and it was a hard-earned skill. one that i was proud of and used it to my advantage when plotting my move to ny and the subsequent job search that got me to where i'm at today.
my other learned skill was my ability to listen. as a myers-briggs (and self-) identified "introvert" i considered it one of my greatest assets that i could spent days at a time without having to mention a single word about how something related to me or my life. if i did say something, it was after careful deliberation and what i would like to consider a very objective perspective. believe it or not, i won a leadership award in college, one that i wholeheartedly believe came from my ability to listen. it wasn't just that i was able to hear people, it was that i was able to focus my whole being on whatever was being said. i could tune out everything else - or listen to everything else but retain every fact, figure, or statement that was divulged.
i made it a rule of thumb to never multitask when other's were speaking to me. on the phone, at school, work, the only multitasking i tried to consciously do was to walk and talk at the same time. other than that, i considered it a poor reflection on myself.
maybe it's adulthood, maybe it's the crackberry age, maybe it's that my morals have been diluted since moving here, but i've lost that ability to be so patient. i try to continue to be a good listener - though i unfortunately have picked up a mad case of multitasking. i can't say the multitasking can change, but i need to refocus my priorities.
i once did an icebreaker exercise where we were asked to write down the answers to 5 questions. the "takeaway" was that if a person writes down everything they need to say, they will listen better to others. lately as my listening abilities have been eroded with a mess of multitasking, i've tried to remember that exercise the best i can.
the heart of the mission is to regain my patience. i don't just mean avoiding anger when a tourist cannot swipe their metrocard fast enough. i mean in that i don't let things play out how i used to. my laid back self has turned into a control freak. i have turned into my (lovely but neurotic) mother and worry about everything. i don't let the chips fall where they may. in 3 short years, i have effectively become the hyperactive soul i swore i would never become.
don't get me wrong, i don't consider my soul wholeheartedly ruined. it least not with any irreparable damage. i just have come to realize lately that i need to take a step back. i think that it's effectively called a quarter-life crisis when this happens, but i'd like to consider it a re-evaluation. a re-assessment of priorities and choices, and most of all i need to re-establish my ability for patience.
in the season finale of the office, michael is asked about why he didn't make a move on his "soulmate" holly:
'I didn't find the perfect moment because I think today is about just having today. And I think we're one of those couples who'll have a long story when people ask how we found each other. I will see her every now and then, and maybe one year she'll be with somebody and the next year I'll be with somebody and it's gonna take a long time... And then it's perfect. I'm in no rush.'
for me, it's not about my "soulmate". it's about avoiding that sense of rush. i feel like i've been in a rush for the past year or so and i'm finally realizing that there's no point. right now i'm a few months shy of 25. i'm hoping by the time i hit my quarter-century mark the rush will have waned. that doesn't mean i'm quitting my job or moving to some obscure island and writing my memoirs. i just need to approach my life, my friendships, and my choices with the knowledge that today isn't the end-all-be-all. obviously the first step is admitting it. now it's just a matter of accepting it.
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