this only happens to me

or so i've been told by multiple people. especially this week.

i scheduled an appointment a few weeks back to get a consult for wisdom teeth removal. i've needed to get them out since i was 14 but have just continually pushed it back. i ran out of excuses the last time i got my teeth cleaned. i figured it was just time to grow up and get it done. how often to do you hear of 50 year olds getting their wisdom teeth out? drooling and vicodin is cool when you're younger - not so much when your kids see you flopped on the couch in a prescription drug-fuelled catatonic state.

my appointment was at 5pm on wednesday. i bailed out of work a bit early (quitting time for me is usually in the 7-8pm range) and walked the 3 blocks to the appointment. this is one of the great conveniences of working in midtown. typically there is a handful of non-sketchy establishments for health-related needs. unfortunately there is also typically a larger array of sketch-tastic places that I wouldn't will anyone to even bum a glass of water from the establishment much less entrust them to extract a tooth. the place i go to isn't uber pretentious but it did get some pretty stellar reviews from some coworkers so i gave it a shot.

i walk in to the appointment, where a hygienist promptly take me in for xrays. afterwards, she takes me into an examination room - a one swanky enough for there to be a TV and phony dental portraits that were taken in the last five years. the doctor comes in 5 minutes later with my x-rays.

"ok, the left ones look pretty easy to take out. we're just gonna do those today and then you can come back in a few weeks for the right side."
"so you're just gonna take them out today?"
"is that a problem?"
"i guess not"

so the doc shot me full of novocain and yanked them out. when i say yank, i mean pliers and all. it was like every dental horror movie rolled into one. it didn't hurt - i was completely numb - but it was weird feeling some virtual stranger pull and prod and eventually force out two teeth that had been with me since adolescence.

i left the building with a mouth full of gauze, a numb face, and a prescription for antibiotics and tylenol with codeine. the pain wasn't too bad - even when the anesthesia wore off and i stopped drooling uncontrollably. i put some ice on my jaw when i went home, and bit on some teabags and slept right through the night. the next morning, i went to work as though there weren't two gaping holes in my jaw (i guess that's not entirely accurate since they're mostly sewed shut). i felt fine, not terrible enough to merit missing work. from all of the horror stories i've heard from people, it was sort of absurd to be there. half my friends speak of their wisdom teeth removal as if they had a lung removed. it entails blood, gore, days of painkillers, and the dreaded DRY SOCKETS. granted, i still i'm not out of the woods completely 4 days later, but i felt sort of foolish being at work right after something like that and didn't tell anyone about the ordeal until mid-way through the afternoon.

once i told the story, it traveled through my entire team. the first response, "this would only happen to you." since i've recounted the tale, i've gotten that from additional friends and MY MOM. thanks, i guess.