A Guide to Trashy TV

Since i spend my days researching TV, I try to occupy my time outside of work with reading, writing, exercising - things that are somewhat productive. Or at least I aspire to. There are plenty of nights where I hunker down in front of my tiny TV and waste away the hours staring in its direction. I'm just too damn tired to be productive. Sadly, my current cable package doesn't afford me the glorious evenings I once had with old movies on TMC, Top Chef, Project Runway, or Entourage. Until I'm able to sacrifice my first-born child to Time Warner and provide a sworn affidavit in blood, I'm stuck with the fare on the most basic cable. After 10 years of obsessing over "Law and Order" reruns when I need to just veg, I've transitioned to the slippery slope of reality television. Now before I go any further, I should preface this. I slowly feel my IQ seeping out of my soul with every viewing of "Celeb-reality", but feel it's necessary to share with the world a few insights to the world of trashy television. I fully suppot the writers and their plight, but sometimes it's necessary to watch a few hours with some seriously dysfunctional fame-seekers to really put your life into perspective. Here (in no particular order) are my favorite shows that I probably shouldn't admit to liking:

- Gossip Girl: XOXO! This show couldn't be different than my high school experience, but somehow this show has completely knocked Criminal Minds out of my regular rotation. I guarantee i'll go through burnout and ditch it in season 2 (probably when it is revealed that serena's dad impregnated dan's mom and they're actually siblings), but wow has it been fun while it's lasted.

- The Bachelor: It's not truly trashy television in the Joe Millionaire sense of the word, but it's mind-numbing in its own right. The men seemingly get worse each season. This year, the guy chose NEITHER of the girls. I feel bad for ABC. Here they are trying to make a show for all the hopeful romantics who get their ass kicked by love and this jackass doesn't even like either of them enough to pretend to date them after the show.

- Kenny vs. Spenny: The meat eating contest was pure genius. It's rare to see that sort of creativity in reality tv competitions.

- Shot of Love with Tila Tequila: A bisexual whose fame stems from having the most friends on myspace, Tila's show is a mix of bar fights, meltdowns, and challenges involving physical activity. I will admit that this is certainly the trashiest show I watch, but the lack of viable shows in my cable package on Tuesday nights has certainly lowered my standards. Plus I'm really rooting for Dani the firefighter to win Tila over.

- The Hills: LC is a completely likeable person. She may live in a psuedo-scripted world, but I don't care. She somehow has risen above her insane friends. I often hope that Heidi's robot head will headbutt Spencer at some point in the season, but more than anything I hope that this fame-mongering pair won't be included in Season 4.

-Rock of Love with Bret Michaels: Sadly the reunion show divulged how quickly Bret abandoned the courtship of Jes, but I thought the aging rocker was pretty endearing (though not extremely bright). Despite my appreciation, I won't be watching season 2 - i think there's something unjust about having multiple seasons to help the same person find their "true love" on VH1 (aka telegenic, bubbly, and probably somewhat unstable match with a hot body).

It worries me that I can pontificate on this at will. I could write a whole rant about how the republican debate on wednesday panned out, but I'll save that for another night. Anyway, you're probably going to check what's on VH1 now.